This is the Day

     Today was my last Sunday at the Roma church in Nusfalau.  I’m so thankful for the way the Body of Christ has welcomed me here.  I have been loved & blessed by these brothers and sisters in Christ.  I am going to miss the smiling faces and strong voices that fill my Sundays here. 

   When I was at camp in junior high the missionary who first told me about Romania also taught the campers a song in Romanian. It was the song: This is the Day the Lord has Made.  He just taught us the first verse, but the words never left me.  I have sung that song in slightly mispronounced Romanian for ten years! And today Kelly & I sang it at church and my church family here joined in.  It was so wonderful to sing that song that has come to mean so much to me.  That song reminds me of God’s purpose and the way He never gives up on us.  It reminds me that it truly is our decision to rejoice and follow Him. 

  When Kelly & I told everyone it was my last Sunday I was overcome with emotion. As I looked out I saw smiles and tears in the eyes of my brothers and sisters in Christ.  My tears were already brewing and began spilling forth.  I can’t even describe how much I will miss them.  The joyful part was getting to share with them that I am returning home so that I can prepare to come back to Romania again!

It’s not a good bye... just see you later.

Maria...we both cried today.

Be Still

I was reading in Exodus this morning and came across this verse:  “The LORD will fight for you; you need only be still. Exodus 14:14.

  That started my mind rolling into reflection over the past few weeks.  I’ve been in Romania.  I’m here to be a part of the ministry to the Roma people. Yet, the past few weeks I have done very little.  We have been without a car and many of the others involved in the ministry have been unavailable to taxi us anywhere. Thus, I have spent a lot of time chilling, reading, praying, etc.

   I was talking with my mom on the phone the other night and she was asking what was going on.  When I told her we still hadn’t been out much she had that “only mom can understand” tone in her voice.  She knows me, better than any other human on this earth. She knows I get restless after even half a day of having nothing intentional to do.  Her response: “Well, I guess God is teaching you to rest and know that He is God.” 

Psalm 46:10 “Be still & know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

As I read and reflected on these verses, this is what spilled out on my journal pages:

Sometimes I get so caught up in doing and fighting and pursuing that I neglect to be still. These last few weeks I have learned a lot about my addiction to business. I’ve learned my desires have often been misguided. I think I often want to serve and help others because of the joy it brings me & the joy I see in the faces of those I serve. Yet, my greatest desire is to love, honor & glorify the Lord and serve Him whether it brings me joy or not. Sometimes He asks us to do hard things. Sometimes He asks us to just be still.

   When we are still we can no longer drown out the voice of truth in our lives. When we are still we are more aware of the condition of our heart. When we are still, we can fully realize the power & glory of God. When we are still we have the choice to focus on ourselves, on others or on our Heavenly Father. When we are still we can listen and hear the voice of the Holy Spirit. When we are still the excuses fall away. When we are still our hearts are challenged in true worship. When we are still God can be exalted.

   When we are still we are often forced to honesty. In response to honesty we are often drawn to repentance, and when we repent we are made new. When we are still we can surrender; in surrender, the Lord will fight for us.

   There may not have been a lot that went on externally these past few weeks.  However, God has been at work in mighty ways in my heart.  Granted, first I had to struggle through my stubbornness and lack of willingness to BE STILL.  Once I got over that, however, God didn’t waste any time.  The frustration and discontent that I originally faced this time of rest melted away and in their place a sense of gratefulness.  I know the things God has taught me the past few weeks have the potential to effect my life & ministry in the future.  May God be exalted!!!

Top Ten Ups & Downs

  This originally started as me trying to convince myself I was excited about heading home. However, my reasons to be excited about going home soon turned into reasons I will miss it here & I was once again sad about the prospect of leaving this place I have come to love!  My original lists were much longer, and I won't tell you which list was longer. However, I've narrowed down to what I believe are my top ten.

Top Ten Reasons I’m excited about going home:

1. Being with family & friends

2. Hugs from said family and friends

3. Long, deep, personal, face-to-face conversations with family & friends

4. Going to my home church: Westview Community Church (it will ALL be in ENGLISH!!!)

5. Mom’s home cooked meals

6. Endless supplies of Dr. Pepper & Cheetos

7. Chipotle burrito bowls

8. Radina’s Coffee

9. Going running and NOT getting crazy looks or having dogs chase me

10. Nice roads void of the giant abysses they call pot holes here

Top Ten Reasons I don't want to leave Romania:

1. My dream coming true: being a part of God's work in Romania

2. My wonderful friend & roommate, Kelly

3. The Body of Christ that works together in the ministry to the Roma people here

4. The many, many kids in the villages I will miss!!!

5. The hospitality of the Roma people!

6. The church in Nusfalau

7. The beautiful old buildings and backdrop of beautiful hills & mountains

8. Ice cream (it’s different here)

9. Pepsi (I hate it in the States but here it’s yummy)

10. Fanta Madness

These lists are in no way fully conclusive. I could never contain all that I love about these two places. It's true: There's no place like home! :)  But, I have also found it to be true that there is peace & comfort beyond measure when you are following God, no matter where that leads you. No comfort food brings the peace that comes from my Heavenly Father!

God of Wonders!

I woke up this morning thinking about how great our God is and that though He is mighty, just and Lord of all; He is also creator, friend, healer, & caring Heavenly Father.  He loves His children more than we can imagine or ever hope to understand.  This was the story on my mind:

 One day Kelly & I went to Nusfalau to visit with some of the ladies and play soccer with the kids. When we got to the home of Mogdalina and her family we stopped to see how she was doing. She was one of the older moms, yet she was pregnant again. The family was excited and hoping for another son so that Modalin would have a little brother. When we stopped by, Mogdalina seemed a little upset. As she talked to Kelly her emotions rose & she became tearful.  If you’ve been around pregnant women you know that’s not unusual. 

   However, she was legitimately very concerned for her baby and the safety of delivery. You see the baby was breech.  Mogdalina was very scared at the prospect of a c-section delivery that would be required by the doctors. You see, while everyone in Romania is entitled to health care; you only receive good care from doctors and nurses if you pay them directly to meet your needs. Thus, for a poor Roma family, a complicated delivery is slightly terrifying.

  Throughout our visit with Mogdalina she expressed her fears and concerns. In the end Kelly & I prayed over her and the baby. Through her tears she expressed her heartfelt thanks.  We continued to pray for Mogdalina and the baby throughout the next weeks.  Not long after, however, we heard that the baby had turned all by itself! Praise our Mighty God, who still works miracles!!!

  Big brother, Modalin, got his wish for a little brother when baby Samuel was born safe and sound! We got to go visit and see baby Samuel not long after his birth. He was such a cutie and by all appearances was strong and healthy. I will continue to praise God for the mighty way He worked in Samuel’s safe entrance into the world! 

Mommy & Baby :)

Kelly holding Samuel

  Sadly, this isn’t the only difficulty this family will face. There will be more times of discouragement, times of concerns about money, food & well being.  Samuel was born into a loving family that wants to honor God, but they, like us, are still learning and growing.  Please pray for this family; pray that God would be at work in each family member’s life and build them up in His Truth and love!  Pray that this family would not forget the way God blessed Samuel.  May we all remember that God is the same yesterday, today & forever!

The Battle Rages

  It’s that gut gripping, heart wrenching, tummy twisting feeling. It’s the teeth chattering, mind racing, all encompassing drive. It’s power and weakness, fire and ice, pure light and obliterating darkness.  It’s the emotion I may despise more than any other: FEAR. 

   Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my fear. Honestly, I often let my fear control me.  There are times when I struggle to focus my thoughts on anything but my fears.  My stomach turns somersaults, my head throbs and no matter how far I run, the fear lingers.  When I was little my fears usually centered on who was in my closet at night, and hoping I wouldn’t have that scary reoccurring dream about being kid-napped by pirates (yes, it really happened).  Ever since I can remember I’ve also had an intense fear of disappointing people.  I remember the buckets of tears that would spring up as soon as my parents even looked at me with a hint of disappointment.  While I have gotten over the pirate nightmare, I’ve yet to work past my fear of disappointing others.

   I know all the pat Bible answers. I know “fear not” is one of the most prevalent commands in the Bible. I know Jesus says not to worry. I know I should be more concerned with how God sees me than if I’m disappointing people or not. And I can’t count the times I’ve repeated those phrases to myself. Yet, instead of truly accepting the truths I know are in Scripture about fear, I developed a front, a mask. I learned to paint over my fear with pride, bluntness & sarcasm. I’ve learned to stuff my fear so deep that, now and then, I don’t even recognize it for what it is. I’ve been labeled as someone who has “tough skin.” Meaning: I am supposedly able to handle the crap people say about or toward me without being affected negatively. I’m supposed to be able to brush off critical or jesting remarks made at my expense. However, tough skin is in NO way part of my anatomy (well except maybe my heels on occasion).

     More often than not, my first instinct is to hide away in the safety of what I know and understand.  Daily, I’m tempted to refuse to step outside of my comfort zone; for fear that I will fail.  When I do find myself in unknown and uncomfortable situations, I push myself to meet expectations.  Then I brush it off like it’s no effort.  A part of me still believes I can pull it off.  I think I can still meet those high expectations and build up a picture perfect life that impresses rather than disappoints.

 That part of me even now says:  Why are you even writing this?  Don’t admit this to anyone, much less blog it for the 15 people who read your blog to see!  What will they think?  They will never see you the same.  And it’s true, I’m scared & I’m still not sure if I'm ready to bear my heart like this. Do I really want to let just anyone who reads my blog read about my deepest fears?

   But another part of me says I need to be honest with myself.  And there are times when I can’t be honest with myself until I’m honest with others.  Besides, maybe more people see through my mask than I think. Maybe I’m only fooling myself. I know there are people who are close enough to me to see the real me…and you know what?!?! They love me anyway. Just like I know my gracious Savior does.

  As I’ve prayed, read and thought through this whole matter I’ve come to a few conclusions.  First, I need to get over myself and stop striving for perfection on my own strength.  Second, I need to fill my mind with the Truth found in the Word of God that builds me up and encourages me; Truth that I can use as my sword to battle against the lies Satan so often uses to fuel my fears.  I also need to remember that: while I was still a sinner Christ loved me; He died for me, rose again & offers unending mercy and grace.  In response to that, I need to surrender, truly surrender, my life to my loving Heavenly Father.  Cause who could better protect and guard my heart & soul than my Creator, Savior & loving Friend! 

So I’m going to claim the Truth God has so graciously given me:

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.”  2 Timothy 1:7

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:6-8

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

“May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.” 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33b

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

I could go on & on…the verses that bring comfort, peace & direction are countless.  The point is, the truth, encouragement, peace, love, and acceptance I so desperately desire can only be found in one place: the Truth and love of my Mighty God!