Alexandra's Heart

Alexandra

 

As I’ve been reflecting on where my heart is focused over the Christmas season, I am reminded of a little six year old girl in Romania. Alexandra had a heart of gold. She shone out among many self-focused and uncontrollable children during camp. She was sweet and gentle. Daily Alexandra sought me out and slipped her tiny hand in mine. She was like my little shadow. If another kid wanted attention she didn’t fuss or make a scene to get my attention back on her, but waited quietly for her turn. She was kind and patient in every circumstance.

Her character blazed one day in particular; we had just finished coloring our craft project and every other kid had headed outside to get a temporary tattoo signifying God’s mark on us as His children. I began picking up the crayons that were scattered ALL over the floor of the church. I then turned around to find Alexandra crawling under pew benches to help pick up the crayons. Not ONE other child had stayed to help pick up, but Alexandra was faithful and cheerfully stayed until every last crayon was picked up. Then, we went outside together. What a beautiful example of a servant’s heart! I was humbled that this little girl was able to display the heart of Jesus in such a simple and yet profound way. 

So, that has been my hope through this season: that my heart would be focused on serving and loving faithfully just like Alexandra. Often throughout the Christmas season I become frustrated with the selfish and greedy nature that seems to have taken over Christmas-time in America. I've realized I have about three choices: I can choose to give in and join them. I can "Grinch-it" and complain about them and the sorry state in which we find ourselves.  OR I can choose to stand out among them, just like Alexandra stood out among her peers.

Most likely Alexandra has never heard 1 Timothy 4:12, but she sure lived it!
"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." 

 
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the spirit. Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another." Galatians 5:22-26



Who do you know that truly displays the fruit of the spirit? Why are they so few and far between. Let's stop making excuses for not displaying this fruit! After all, as believers, we do have the power of Christ Jesus & the indwelling of the Holy Spirit!


"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."  2 Corinthians 12:9

A $35 Pair of Boots

   Spent some time in a chic little clothing/accessory shop today. They have super cute stuff. The ladies working used all their sales tactics & treated me like a doll they could dress up. Then they stuck me in front of a mirror and said, "LOOK at you!! You look ready for the runway! And all for less than $200!"  I just smiled, but on the inside I was thinking, I've never spent $200 on an outfit in m life, AND what I could do with $200 for a Roma family in Romania! That would feed a family for quite a while, or help them stay warm for winter, or pay a doctor, or buy medicine or or or... You get the picture.

  Of course the materialistic, media brainwashed, girl within me WANTED the coat and boots, but why? How many coats are hanging in my closet now. How many people could I personally keep warm this winter if I'd just get over my selfish self and GIVE more away!?! What if I took that $35 I almost spent on a pair of boots today and instead... Bought something fair trade, made by women in other countries working to support their families. OR, got onto World Vision's website & bought some ducks or chickens for a family somewhere around the globe that need food, income & hope? What if, instead, I helped a family gain access to clean water so they or their children won't die of preventable diseases? What if I sent that money to one of my countless friends that serve as missionaries around the world? What if I bought Bibles for people who have never had a Bible of their own (while I probably have 4 or 5 floating around somewhere).

Sick as I realized how selfish and greedy I can still be!

Humbled, that my Savior still loves me as broken as I am!

Reminded of Christ's words about clothing "The Least of These"

Blessed, beyond measure and more than I could ever hope to deserve!

 So, I'm choosing to be satisfied. I have a pair of warm waterproof boots that are nearly new. I have a warm wool coat. I have a had and gloves and scarfs galore. I don't NEED winter clothing at all. In fact I could spare some...a visit to a local coat drive or homeless shelter might just be in my near future. What could you do with $35 & the extra winter clothes in your closet?

NUMB3RS

I recently finished reading the book of Numbers. Numbers is rarely the first book of the Bible I run to for comfort and encouragement. I don't always think of it as the easiest book of the Bible to get direct life lessons; however, it IS still the Word of God & 2 Timothy 3:16 says, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful in teaching, correcting, rebuking, and training in righteousness."

  As I was reading Numbers, I was continually struck by the enormity of the laws and rules by which the Israelites were required to live by. Living righteously wasn't easy. The laws were strict; purification laws often protecting them from dangers that were still unknown at the time. There were all sorts of sacrifices and things that could or couldn't be done with the sacrifice. I mean, this stuff was serious, when a couple of Aaron's sons tried to do things their own way they DIED. None of this could be skimmed over in real life, as I have so often skimmed over the book of Numbers.

   I began to wonder if I would think before I act or speak more if I knew I would have pay literally for the sacrifice required to find forgiveness. If I was giving up a lamb out of my flock or had to go pay for a goat or dove, would I not consider my actions more carefully? Or to create a more realistic picture if I knew my paycheck would be deducted every time I sin, would I not respond differently to temptation? Sadly, I have to say, yes. I think I would act differently and think about my actions more under these circumstances, or at least at first. Eventually, I would probably give up on ever keeping up with all the laws and sacrifices.

  To be honest with myself, and you, I'm more than humbled by this realization. I'm really ashamed to think that I do not consider the price paid for my sin as seriously as I should. I so often take the sacrifice of Christ, the SON OF GOD, for granted. I seek forgiveness time and again and there are far too many times when I am not truly repentant. There are times when I know I need to sit down and spend time in prayer & I turn away. There are times when I haven't spent time in the Word & I keep on embracing the busyness. There are days that go by when I think selfishly and don't do a thing to serve the Least of These around me. Words come out of my mouth that are spiteful and rude. ...I could go on.


Would I still do these things if each time I had to offer a sacrifice out of my own means? Would I still do these things if I truly faced the facts that I am turning my back on my Savior and Lord each time I make these choices to sin?

I praise God that He is a God of abundant GRACE, slow to anger and abounding in Love! He does not expect me to figure it out on my own, but has given me the gift of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the strength of the Lord within me, making the impossible possible! I CAN truly repent and turn away from the sin in my life with His strength. And how I praise Him that I don't have to live under the laws of sacrifice, but His once and for all sacrifice is all I need. How humbled I am to realize a little more how undeserving I truly am. But I will praise God for the blessings He has so freely given! How incredible is it that the Most High God calls me child. I AM a Daughter of the King.

Baa vs. Bleat

 

Recently my learning thoughts have been centering on some of Jesus’ words in Matthew 25. Jesus was teaching His Disciples some important lessons that day. Lessons about the end of the age, about what will and must happen before Jesus will come back. Lessons about our duty as followers in preparation for that day. Then He explains what will happen at His return. This is what really gets me:

Jesus tells them, I’m coming back and when I come in all my glory ALL the nations will be gathered before me. I’m going to separate the people, each one will belong either with the sheep or with the goats. To the sheep Jesus will invite to enjoy the blessings prepared for them BECAUSE: “I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”  The confused “sheep” will say, “huh? When did we do that?”  Jesus responds, “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” Then the opposite happens for the “goats”. Jesus says, you are cursed and will endure eternal punishment. BECAUSE, when you saw me hungry, thirsty, a stranger, without clothes, sick or in prison, you did nothing! The confused goats say, “what the heck, we never saw you!”  Jesus tweaks his response a bit to: “I tell you the truth whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.” [emphasis mine]

Now, I don’t know about you, but I think what Jesus was trying to do for us was paint a picture of what it looks like to Love God & Love people (the two greatest commandments according to Jesus in Mark 12:29-31). If we truly chose to love people the way Jesus described here, don’t you think people would listen when we talked about our faith? Now, earlier in the beginning of this day of teaching His Disciples Jesus also says, “And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.” Matthew 24:14  So, obviously God wants us to preach the Word too. But, if we preach it and don’t follow it with our actions are we any better than the Pharisees? I know this isn’t a new topic, but it’s been resonating in my mind differently lately.

When Jesus comes back He’s not going to say, well you prayed the sinners prayer & preached the Gospel message to people, so you can come to heaven. He’s not going to say, well you told others I was the way to heaven, so you can enjoy the home I’ve prepared.

Nope, Jesus directly revealed to us what will separate His followers from the rest. The followers who truly loved others, who served others, who gave of themselves to meet the needs of “the least of these” they’re the ones who get to enjoy the place Jesus personally prepares for His followers.

Matthew 7:20-23 says, “Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”

Okay, so this might seem a bit harsh, but God is just. He sent His Son to demonstrate and teach & gave us the Bible to guide generations to come. If we have truly confessed with our mouth and believed in our heart that God raised Jesus from the dead so that we might be saved and believe that our justification comes through the grace of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, if we TRULY BELIEVE, will our actions not reflect that? (Romans 10:9)

If the Holy Spirit is alive and well within us, our desire WILL be to love our neighbors as ourselves and care for the needs of the people God has fearfully & wonderfully created. The question I’m asking myself now is: What does Jesus think of how I focus my time and energy? Does my daily life reflect the heart of God for the Least of These?

The Cottonwood Church

The Cottonwood is by far my favorite tree. And no, it’s not just because it’s the state tree of Kansas; although living in Western Kansas can really make you appreciate trees when you have them. Sometimes I think it’s the strong and mighty core and arms. Maybe it’s the song you hear as the wind rustles through the shimmering leaves.  (I could be blind and I would still recognize that sound.)  And then there’s the mock snowfall of fluffy seeds that float and fly through the air every summer.  Somehow, those tiny seeds with their fluffy white coats often find a way to grow into impressive trees creating families of cottonwoods standing tall and proud together. Going one step further every Fall I’m greeted by the sunshine yellow of Cottonwood’s changing leaves. 

One sunny afternoon I was lounging on a blanket by a pond gazing at one of the most enormous Cottonwood trees I’ve ever seen! It was so strong & beautiful. Well, my imagination often runs a bit wild with me when I’m reclining outside on a beautiful day. This day it was about that big Cottonwood tree.

What if the Church was like that Cottonwood tree. Didn’t God intend His church to be strong and mighty, rooted in Christ? Wouldn’t it be beautiful to see the Church seek to be rooted in the truth and love of Christ; just like that Cottonwood was rooted near the pond so it would have a plentiful source of water. And what about the followers of Christ that make up the Church? Shouldn’t they look and sound different, just like those cottonwood leaves? When the winds & storms of life come, followers of Christ should still shout the glory of the Lord! Others should know by what they see and hear that followers of Christ live differently, no matter what situation they are in.

As I watched the tiny white tufts sailing through the air being carried by the wind and water I began to imagine disciples being sent out from the church. Jesus said, “Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Those followers will go and plant new churches, just like the seeds plant new Cottonwoods. If they are planted near the Source of living water they can grow strong and mighty. Although the purposes and circumstances will change, just as the seasons change the leaves the goal to live well remains.

Sometimes I feel like one of those seeds. I’ve been sent out, but I can’t always see the map; I don’t know the twists and turns the wind and water will bring. I might land somewhere just to be caught up in the wind of His purpose again. What I do know is the good purpose of the One who sent me & His promise “I am with you always.”

The sad part is that the Cottonwood sometimes rots from the inside out. There are even certain beetles known as Cottonwood borers that often eat and live in/on the Cottonwood that cause destruction.  Sadly, the Church can also rot and be invaded. Yet, there is hope. Like the Cottonwood develops a strong bark to protect itself, God has given us the armor that we might be protected as well. If we suit up with the armor of God we may be strong and ready to fight the battles guaranteed to come our way.

It’s fall now and the Cottonwoods are sporting their bright yellow coats seeming to shout the beauty of their Creator. When I see them I still stop think about the Church and how beautiful it is when it is rooted and established in Christ!

"Jesus Time"

   It took me over ten days back in the States to stay at home more than 36 hours. The business of American life sucked me right back in. This is enough to overwhelm someone living in the States their whole life, much less someone dealing with culture shock and jet lag. It’s been interesting to say the least, not bad, just interesting. This is partially the reason for my lack of blogging the past month!

  Now, since being back nothing crazy has happened. I remembered how to drive. I’ve only responded to people in a language other than English a few times. And, I haven’t had any complete freak-outs or melt-downs. I’ve enjoyed seeing family & friends in person. I’ve also enjoyed attending church services in English. 

  However, in all the hullaballoo I began neglecting my daily prayer and Bible reading time (or as I more commonly refer to it my: “Jesus time”). I’m always disappointed in myself when this happens. Daily time in prayer and The Word is a habit I began forming when I was about eight years old (thanks to my parents).  I’ve been told it takes 21 days to form a habit. Now, I’m not going to try to do the math but 21 days came & went plenty of times, and STILL this habit slips away on occasion.  It’s really quite frustrating. 

  When I did get my Bible open I read Mark chapter one and verses 35-37 really stood out to me: “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: ‘Everyone is looking for you!’”  Now, I’m not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination. Most people who have shared a living space live by the rule: “you don’t talk to Allyssa in the morning until she talks to you!”  Honestly, I’m a big fat grump in the mornings. Yet, when I decided I needed to bite the bullet and force myself out of bed each morning to have “Jesus time” my days were blessed. I’ve found when I start my days with Jesus I find the strength for mountains or mole hills. When I start my day with a focus on the Truth of Scripture my perspective is clearer. When I start my days with prayer I’m humble and honest of my need for my Savior.  I even find that my grumpy bear morning attitude fades quickly when I seek to be filled with the Holy Spirit.

  So, I’m back to morning “Jesus time.”  I’m still a grumpy bear when I wake up, but at least the solution is only an hour or so away. I’m so thankful for my merciful Heavenly Father who freely welcomes me back even when I’ve strayed.  I’m realizing more and more that it’s Satan’s goal to bust that habit I started so young. Thankfully I have a mighty God fighting for me & I know who reigns victorious in the end!

This is the Day

     Today was my last Sunday at the Roma church in Nusfalau.  I’m so thankful for the way the Body of Christ has welcomed me here.  I have been loved & blessed by these brothers and sisters in Christ.  I am going to miss the smiling faces and strong voices that fill my Sundays here. 

   When I was at camp in junior high the missionary who first told me about Romania also taught the campers a song in Romanian. It was the song: This is the Day the Lord has Made.  He just taught us the first verse, but the words never left me.  I have sung that song in slightly mispronounced Romanian for ten years! And today Kelly & I sang it at church and my church family here joined in.  It was so wonderful to sing that song that has come to mean so much to me.  That song reminds me of God’s purpose and the way He never gives up on us.  It reminds me that it truly is our decision to rejoice and follow Him. 

  When Kelly & I told everyone it was my last Sunday I was overcome with emotion. As I looked out I saw smiles and tears in the eyes of my brothers and sisters in Christ.  My tears were already brewing and began spilling forth.  I can’t even describe how much I will miss them.  The joyful part was getting to share with them that I am returning home so that I can prepare to come back to Romania again!

It’s not a good bye... just see you later.

Maria...we both cried today.

Be Still

I was reading in Exodus this morning and came across this verse:  “The LORD will fight for you; you need only be still. Exodus 14:14.

  That started my mind rolling into reflection over the past few weeks.  I’ve been in Romania.  I’m here to be a part of the ministry to the Roma people. Yet, the past few weeks I have done very little.  We have been without a car and many of the others involved in the ministry have been unavailable to taxi us anywhere. Thus, I have spent a lot of time chilling, reading, praying, etc.

   I was talking with my mom on the phone the other night and she was asking what was going on.  When I told her we still hadn’t been out much she had that “only mom can understand” tone in her voice.  She knows me, better than any other human on this earth. She knows I get restless after even half a day of having nothing intentional to do.  Her response: “Well, I guess God is teaching you to rest and know that He is God.” 

Psalm 46:10 “Be still & know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

As I read and reflected on these verses, this is what spilled out on my journal pages:

Sometimes I get so caught up in doing and fighting and pursuing that I neglect to be still. These last few weeks I have learned a lot about my addiction to business. I’ve learned my desires have often been misguided. I think I often want to serve and help others because of the joy it brings me & the joy I see in the faces of those I serve. Yet, my greatest desire is to love, honor & glorify the Lord and serve Him whether it brings me joy or not. Sometimes He asks us to do hard things. Sometimes He asks us to just be still.

   When we are still we can no longer drown out the voice of truth in our lives. When we are still we are more aware of the condition of our heart. When we are still, we can fully realize the power & glory of God. When we are still we have the choice to focus on ourselves, on others or on our Heavenly Father. When we are still we can listen and hear the voice of the Holy Spirit. When we are still the excuses fall away. When we are still our hearts are challenged in true worship. When we are still God can be exalted.

   When we are still we are often forced to honesty. In response to honesty we are often drawn to repentance, and when we repent we are made new. When we are still we can surrender; in surrender, the Lord will fight for us.

   There may not have been a lot that went on externally these past few weeks.  However, God has been at work in mighty ways in my heart.  Granted, first I had to struggle through my stubbornness and lack of willingness to BE STILL.  Once I got over that, however, God didn’t waste any time.  The frustration and discontent that I originally faced this time of rest melted away and in their place a sense of gratefulness.  I know the things God has taught me the past few weeks have the potential to effect my life & ministry in the future.  May God be exalted!!!

Top Ten Ups & Downs

  This originally started as me trying to convince myself I was excited about heading home. However, my reasons to be excited about going home soon turned into reasons I will miss it here & I was once again sad about the prospect of leaving this place I have come to love!  My original lists were much longer, and I won't tell you which list was longer. However, I've narrowed down to what I believe are my top ten.

Top Ten Reasons I’m excited about going home:

1. Being with family & friends

2. Hugs from said family and friends

3. Long, deep, personal, face-to-face conversations with family & friends

4. Going to my home church: Westview Community Church (it will ALL be in ENGLISH!!!)

5. Mom’s home cooked meals

6. Endless supplies of Dr. Pepper & Cheetos

7. Chipotle burrito bowls

8. Radina’s Coffee

9. Going running and NOT getting crazy looks or having dogs chase me

10. Nice roads void of the giant abysses they call pot holes here

Top Ten Reasons I don't want to leave Romania:

1. My dream coming true: being a part of God's work in Romania

2. My wonderful friend & roommate, Kelly

3. The Body of Christ that works together in the ministry to the Roma people here

4. The many, many kids in the villages I will miss!!!

5. The hospitality of the Roma people!

6. The church in Nusfalau

7. The beautiful old buildings and backdrop of beautiful hills & mountains

8. Ice cream (it’s different here)

9. Pepsi (I hate it in the States but here it’s yummy)

10. Fanta Madness

These lists are in no way fully conclusive. I could never contain all that I love about these two places. It's true: There's no place like home! :)  But, I have also found it to be true that there is peace & comfort beyond measure when you are following God, no matter where that leads you. No comfort food brings the peace that comes from my Heavenly Father!